Hey People,
My name is Misty and I wanted to share my testimony with you.
When I was little, I was abused by a guy while my mom was at work at night and after that I thought all guys were mean and abusive towards all women.
When I was six, my mom got in a huge car accident and almost died. I was so mad at God I told him “I hate you” and “you’re a big meany and you keep trying to kill me by hurting my mommy and me!!”
Then a few years went by and I was in fourth grade and I thought I was gay because I had no interest in guys only girls. I didn’t tell any body, not even my friend Kevin, and I told him everything. I kept this a secret from everybody. All of a sudden, I started getting really sad and depressed and in sixth grade, I started cutting myself. That was my way of “self medicating” It felt so good at first but when I was done, I was in so much more pain, but I thought it felt good and so what if it hurt. I felt fine, so it was no big deal.
Then one day Laurie Becker invited me over to her b-day slumber party and then asked me if I wanted to go to church with her and her family. I asked my family, and we started going. My mom and dad liked it, so I liked it but I didn’t feel close to God. I still felt very far.
Then, I prayed that I would feel Gods presence whenever I prayed or was at church and that worked for a year.I started middle school and I met new people and stopped hanging out with Laurie. We would stop and talk sometimes, but that was it. As the year went on, I got worse. I started cutting more. I started smoking, drinking and getting in fights. Then, one of my friends introduced me to something called yaoi/henti (yaoi is gay anime porn, henti is straight anime porn). I thought that it was okay because it was like a comic book, but you read it backwards. Then, I was getting bored of yaoi and started watching real porn and I was satisfied. It made me feel better.
Then, all of a sudden I felt very guilty and paranoid that my parents would find out, so I would delete the whole computer history and then I knew they wouldn’t find out.
When eighth grade started, it wasn’t even three weeks into the school year, and I got suspended for bring alcohol to school, but I thought “so what, who cares, it is just alcohol” But it was a big deal because one of my so called friends got drunk and almost cut off her hand in wood shop, but she said it was the medicine she was on.
I needed to change badly because I was just going to juvi the way I was going, but I did not care enough about anybody else to realize what I was doing to them and myself. Then one of my teachers started to talk to me when I got back in school. She shared something personal with me that made me realize that if I don’t change, I’m going to kill myself, and that idea stayed with me for like 8 ½ months, then I screwed up again, and started smoking pot. One of my friends who cared about me told my parents, and they found a homemade bong in my closet. My dad took it and smashed it against the kitchen wall and my mom said I was going to go to rehab if I kept it up. My mind only heard “your going to rehab” so I called my friend, and ran away to his house. The next day my parents found me and we cried and prayed together and stuff.
I went back to school and was popular for a week but that didn’t last long because I had four “f’s” and I only could graduate with 2. So in one week I brought up three of my grades and that was two weeks before promotion. I was graduating!
Now, in the last month I ran away again because I was mad at my mom for something lame and I don’t remember why I was mad at her, that’s how I know it was something lame. When I ran away, I wasn’t alone. One of my so called friends came with me. We left Monday morning. The first thing we did was change our hairstyles. She chopped off her hair, and I died mine. It was fun for a few days, then Thursday night came and all she said was I’m leaving. I said ok, whatever, and she went back home. I didn’t even know she was going home. If I did I would have gone with her. So, I took a bus back to Santa Monica and called my friend and told him to call my parents and tell them I am at Santa Monica pier and ask them if they could come and pick me up.
Then I saw my dad, and I called out to him, and he ran to me and grabbed me and hugged me and cried. I new he loved me and cared about me. A few days went buy and I told my mom I was gay, and she hugged me and said “I am so proud of you for sharing your secret, and there is nothing you could do to make me love you less.” The next day, she told my dad and he hugged, then he said “there is nothing that you can do or say that would make me love you less” I was shocked. I wasn’t expecting that.
I was expecting a lecture on how liking the same sex was wrong and so on and so forth. Well, it was cool though because I really realize that they really cared about me and loved me.
Later that week we had youth group and I shared with my little small group what I shared with my parents, and that was cool because they accepted me and they did not lecture me & that was cool.
Two weeks ago the youth went to camp. That was the most powerful time for me because during worship, I started crying and Laurie was in front of me and she turned around and hugged me and we were both just standing there crying. It was so amazing but earlier that day, I prayed to God to give me an answer, an answer to the question if I was gay. At that moment, I was crying with my best friend and God spoke to me. He said, “You are not gay, you are my child. I created you. You’re just confused and if you believe in me 100%, I will guide you and show you the way.”
I have surrendered and repented and asked for forgiveness from God and I know in my heart God has forgiven me and I know he loves me. Without God, my parents, the youth and church, I probably wouldn’t be here today and I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and support.